Swamp Thing:the series Volume One - DVD Review

I was 14 years old when the Swamp Thing television series began to air on the USA Network. I faithfully watched every week, and for reasons unbeknownst to me, my mother joined me in viewing this fine piece of American television every Friday night. Much like me, I guess she didn’t have anything better to do on a Friday night. As I got older, I began to appreciate little things like this: obviously, some parents will do whatever it takes to connect with their children on some level.

Having spent the past two weeks immersing myself in Volume One of the Swamp Thing television series, I appreciate my mother even more. Any parent willing to sit through this show on a weekly basis is truly dedicated and possibly deserving of some sort of Parent of the Year Award.

Okay, okay. It isn’t that bad. But it isn’t that good either. Swamp Thing: The Series Volume One, recently released by Shout! Factory, contains the first two seasons of the cult classic series, totaling 22 episodes. Reprising his role as the muck-encrusted mockery of man is stuntman-turned-actor Dick Durock. Mark Lindsay Chapman portrays Dr. Anton Arcane, Swamp Thing’s evil nemisis, and Carrell Myers rounds out the cast as Tressa Kipp, a divorced mother who has recently relocated to Houma, Louisiana to start a new life with her young son Jim. I’m not sure what the name of the actor is who played Jim, and to be frank, it isn’t worth my time or yours to look it up. The kid is terrible. He makes Jake Lloyd’s performance in The Phantom Menace look like Daniel Day-Lewis in There Will Be Blood.

The first season finds Tressa moving into her familial estate on the outskirts of the mysterious swamp inhabited by Swamp Thing. Her son Jim has a reputation as a compulsive liar, so naturally Tressa doubts his tales of the swamp creature he’s befriended, but what becomes very clear to her in little time is the evil nature of Anton Arcane, a local mad scientist. (I guess every small southern town has one.) Arcane’s goals are never exactly stated, but he basically spends all of his time either hitting on Tressa or splicing the genes of humans and animals together.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Swamp Thing comic books, here’s the basic gist of the story: Scientists Alec and Linda Holland were working on a bio-restorative formula capable of rapidly increasing the growth of plants. When their lab was sabotaged, Linda was killed and Alec was doused in the formula. He ran into the swamp and several days later, Swamp Thing emerged. Anton Arcane is a wizened old codger well-versed in black magic who is constantly trying to capture Swamp Thing in order to transfer his mind into Swampy’s body. For the purposes of the television series, this story has been slightly changed so that Dr. Arcane is a strapping young scientist responsible for blowing up his rivals’ laboratory. When he’s not creating bird-men or trying to get a piece of Tressa Kipp’s action, Arcane occasionally tries to capture Swamp Thing in an attempt to find the secret to the bio-restorative formula. No reason is given, but when you’re a mad scientist, do you really need one?

For the first season, the series basically follows a monster-of-the-week formula, sometimes without the monster. Something weird happens in the swamp, Jim and/or his mother is placed in danger and Swamp Thing acts as something of a deus ex machina, showing up for about 5 minutes to bring someone back to life or frighten away Arcane and his goons. It’s very basic and very bland.

Season One’s finale finally gives us a reason for Arcane’s genetic menagerie: he’s creating mindless slaves to sell on the black market. This episode sees Jim get captured and sent to a work camp and (thankfully) written out of the series. The series was retooled for Season Two, introducing Jim’s older step-brother Will and bringing on Kari Wuhrer as Abigail. The show became more action oriented, the scripts got a lot better and… dare I say it? The series actually started getting pretty good.

In Season Two, we find out that Arcane is just a small part of a larger evil organization which is headed by General Sunderland. Sunderland essentially plays the same role that Arcane played in the comics. He’s an old man who wants a new body, and he hopes that Alec Holland’s bio-restorative formula will be the key. In addition, it is revealed that Arcane hopes that the formula will hold the secret to saving his wife, who is kept alive in some sort of stasis after a near-death experience. Apparently, the writers realized that actually giving your characters some sort of motivation makes them vastly more interesting.

Will Kipp (played by Scott Garrison) basically takes over Jim’s role, only he’s in his early 20’s and isn’t completely annoying. It seemed that the creators of this series still felt a need to have a complete black hole of talent on the show though, and Kari Wuhrer was added to fill that void. She’s also pretty easy on the eyes, and her constantly being outfitted in very short shorts in nearly every episode may further explain why the second season outshines the first. Her character’s name is Abigail (no relation to Abigail from the Swamp Thing comics), and apparently she was created in a laboratory as another one of Sunderland’s experiments.

The tone of the series becomes much darker in the second season, but it also maintains a sense of humor. Not a particularly funny sense of humor, but there’s a few good jokes here and there. Swamp Thing’s role is expanded, and we begin to see more of the inner turmoil of a man trapped in the body of a plant. Also, Arcane’s experiments become more violent in nature, and we get to see Swampy throw a few stuntmen through some breakaway windows. It’s almost as though the creators used the first season as a test run and completely reinvented it with Season Two. The much-needed improvements make for a much better show.

But is the show really any good? Well, it’s as good as you’d expect an early 90’s made-for-USA series to be. I can’t deny that by the end of the second season, I was really enjoying it quite a bit, but I will also freely admit that anyone who isn’t already a fan of Swamp Thing probably won’t find a whole lot to enjoy in this series. It’s what I always refer to as a “Sunday afternoon show”. When you’re sitting on the couch on Sunday afternoon, winding down after a long weekend and you have nothing better to do, it’s not a terrible way to pass the time. It doesn’t take much effort to watch the show, and if you fall asleep during an episode, you won’t really be too upset that you missed it.

The DVDs also feature some interviews with Swamp Thing co-creator Len Wein and star Dick Durock. These little vignettes are really quite interesting and are definitely a must-watch if you’re a fan of the comics, movies or television series.

Transformers Animated: Transform & Roll Out - DVD Review

Watching the 68 minute pilot for the new Transformers cartoon was a lot like one of those old Frosted Mini-Wheats commercials: The adult in me appreciated the fact that the series had an updated storyline that would appeal to kids, but didn’t alienate the old school fans. I enjoyed the manga-influenced animation style and the since I’m a Michigan native, I especially liked the fact that it’s based in Detroit. The kid in me just loved the fact that The Transformers are back!

The new Transformers Animated series combines elements of the classic 1980’s series and the new Michael Bay blockbuster film to create a continuity all its own. In this series, the Cybertronian Wars are long-over and have been relegated to t he arena of myth and legend. Optimus Prime leads a very small group of Autobots who are basically an outer space cleanup crew. They stumble upon the All-Spark, get chased by Decepticons and end up on Earth at the bottom of Lake Erie. 50 years later, Detroit has become the leader in cybernetic technology, due to a local professor’s discovery of Megatron’s head, which was severed in the explosion that put the Autobots in stasis at the bottom of the lake half a decade prior. Starscream discovers that the Autobots (and the All-Spark) are on earth, and high-tech hi-jinks, action and adventure ensue.

I wasn’t sure about this new Transformers series when I first heard about it, but it’s definitely grown on me, and I actually like it quite a bit. This is mainly because of the interaction between the characters. The Autobots aren’t written as battle-weary soldiers; instead, they’re presented as a ragtag group of misfits who don’t always get along. As they wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons, the Autobots learn how to function as a team, and what it means to be a hero. It’s got a good message for kids, but it isn’t too heavy handed that adults will want to wretch. The subplots involving their human friends and the foreshadowed return of Megatron are interesting enough to keep both child and adult entertained.

The few problems I had with Transform and Roll Out were really just nitpicky geek stuff. I didn’t like the fact that the Autobots operated out in the open and were essentially a team of robot superheroes. To me, this goes against the very idea of “robots in disguise”, but it’s really a pretty minor gripe. Also, the feature felt more like three episodes smooshed together, rather than an actual movie. I’m guessing this is because it actually was just three episodes smooshed together. Again: not really a big deal.

In addition to the feature, there are also two shorts on the DVD, each about 5 minutes long. These are basically little comedy spots, focusing on the individual personalities of the Autobots. They’re actually pretty funny, and I’m sure the kids in your household will enjoy them. All-in-all, Transformers Animated: Transform and Roll Out is a welcome continuation of the Transformers franchise, and in my opinion, should appeal to old and new fans alike.

CHiPs Season Two DVD Review

The 1978-79 television season saw the brave men and women of the California Highway Patrol, also known as CHiPs, return for a second season. Focusing on the hot headed Frank “Ponch” Poncherello (Erik Estrada) and his straight-laced partner Jon Baker (Larry Wilcox), this four-disc set features 22 episodes full of sunny days, cool cars, pretty girls and a bunch of cops who smile a lot and never draw their guns.

CHiPs featured a charming blend of comedy and drama and is a great example of a bygone era of police television. This isn’t CSI: Special Rape Unit, Law & Order: Crooked Cops or one of the many current shows featuring flawed characters and violent police officers. Everyone working for the California Highway Patrol is a good, honest cop: clean cut, well groomed and mannered, and always showing off their enormous, sparkling teeth. I don’t know much about law enforcement, but if CHiPs is any indication of how things are run out west, they’ve got one hell of a good dental plan.

These cops are not out to fill quotas or abuse their power; they’re on the road to serve the cause of justice. Oh, and sometimes to pick up chicks. Actually, that’s pretty much every episode. I don’t know if it’s the teeth, the motorcycles or the tight pants, but the ladies really dig Ponch and Jon. Nary an episode goes by that doesn’t feature them hitting on or being hit on by attractive women. I guess it’s all in a day’s work for the California Highway Patrol.

As far as the show goes, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. I remember watching a lot of CHiPs reruns as a kid, and I remember my older sister’s larger-than-life poster of Erik Estrada that hung in her bedroom like a shrine to a golden god, but I couldn’t remember whether or not the show was actually any good. To be honest, I didn’t expect much. I figured it would be another old TV show that brought back fond memories and lots of laughs, but didn’t really hold up. Have you ever watched The A-Team or Knight Rider lately? Those were two of my favorite series as a kid, but I can’t even stomach more than 15 minutes of an episode now. No wonder they call television “the boob tube”.

But CHiPs was pretty good. Okay, it was pretty cheesy, with some corny dialogue and bad jokes, but the stories weren’t too bad. I’ll admit, the sweet clothing and funky music of the 1970’s was often more appealing than the actual plot, but in the defense of CHiPs, the plot did hold my interest. Maybe it was my low expectations or maybe I was just mystified by the wit and charm of Ponch and Jon, but I actually did enjoy watching these DVDs. I figured I’d have a hard time getting through this series, but I ended up relishing my time spent on patrol with the good men and women of CHiPs.

I don’t really think anyone is reading this review in order to determine whether or not they’ll purchase the second season of CHiPs though. I have to believe that anyone buying it is a longtime fan who wants to relive the halcyon days of their youth, when cops didn’t pistol-whip suspects into submission and television was a bit simpler. If you do fall into the first camp, I don’t really know what to tell you. You’ll most likely be disappointed with this rather dated cop show. If you’re in the second group, I’d recommend that you go ahead and pick up CHiPs Season Two. It’s a great trip down memory lane that just might surprise you.

The four-disc set features 22 episodes and two special features, though I’d use that term very loosely. The first is a featurette in which Erik Estrada interviews some actual California Highway Patrol officers. It’s pretty dull, but worth watching just to hear Estrada say “us” and “we”, as though he is actually a cop. The second “special feature” is just a two hour flashback episode in which Ponch and Jon’s teammates relive the duo’s greatest adventures of the first two seasons. It’s not a bad episode, but it hardly qualifies as a special feature.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom - Special Edition DVD Review

The summer of 2008 brings us the release of the highly anticipated, but wholly unnecessary fourth film in the Indiana Jones series, and with such a momentous occasion looming on the horizon, Paramount has seen fit to milk few more bucks out of pop culture afficionados by re-releasing the first three movies in all-new super-fancy special editions. “The first time they’ve been released in special edition format”, as the commercials are quick to point out. Buy them now before they release a four-film box set, and you have to buy them again!

I had planned on revisiting them anyway, so it worked out well for me. It had been a long time since I’d watched any of the Indy flicks, so I was pretty excited. I was ready for adventure, excitement and bare knuckle brawling, but I never anticipated what would happen when I watched Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

Let me dial the clock back a bit to my childhood. I loved Indiana Jones. Still do, in fact. But as a kid, there’s a special kind of magic there, and the oft-maligned Temple of Doom was my favorite film of the three. As I grew older and reached my cynical 20’s, the second Indy film fell out of favor with me. Raiders of the Lost Ark was clearly the superior film, Temple just seemed like a bad joke and I viewed Last Crusade as an attempt to apologize.

To me, Raiders was more pure: an homage to old Republic serials and adventurers like Alan Quartermain and Doc Savage. A fond memory of a bygone era where men were men and the world was full of mystery and high adventure. Dark jungles and scary natives. Mystical objects and, of course, Nazis. I hate those guys.

Temple of Doom, on the other hand, just seemed too shiny, too Hollywood. It had a kid sidekick and an annoying girl, witty banter that lacked any actual humor and a hokey storyline featuring Indy as the “chosen one” of sorts. It featured Kate Capshaw delivering the worst performance ever captured on film (and I’m including every movie Keanu Reeves has ever been in). It was almost like a parody of an Indiana Jones film.

So I watched it again, for the first time in I don’t know how long, and I felt like I was viewing it for the first time. Boy was I wrong about this one! It’s got all the bare-knuckle brawlin’, the high adventure and the escapism of Raiders, and this one’s got elephants too! Yeah, Indy’s got a kid sidekick, but as it turns out, he’s not nearly as annoying as I thought he was. In fact, he was rather funny, and in all honesty, it’s an element that’s actually pretty accurate. Lots of old-timey pulp heroes from the 30’s and 40’s had minority stereotypes as sidekicks. Why should Indiana Jones be any different?

Kate Capshaw’s performance, on the other hand, can not be so easily excused. She was sleeping with the director, and it shows. That woman is an absolute atrocity, and every scene she’s in can be counted among the worst in film history. Blech!

As for the rest of the film: two thumbs up. It’s a crazy, over-the-top roller coaster ride of a movie that starts off with a bang and doesn’t let up until the very end. But you already knew that, right? Because unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past two decades, you’ve already seen this movie. But if you’re like me, and you’ve been giving it a bad rap: give it another chance. Sure, it’s still shiny and Hollywood, but it’s just plain fun. I had a hard time keeping a big silly grin off of my face as I watched this movie.

It looks a lot nicer too. Every time they re-release these films, they clean them up a bit, which is appreciated. As for the special features, they’re pretty cool, but not as in-depth as the stuff that was on the box set that was released a few years ago. There’s a new introduction from Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, a little vignette about the various insects used in the film, and a little “on location” documentary. The mine cart chase scene storyboards, photo gallery and Lego Indiana Jones demo are only going to interest a select few though.

I'm Not There - 2 disc Collector's Edition DVD Review

Perhaps I’m not the best person to write a review of a movie based on Bob Dylan’s life. While I’m definitely a fan of his music, and hold his songwriting ability in high regard, I’m not one of those folks who owns all of the albums, all the bootlegs and has seen Bob in concert a million times. I like most of what I’ve heard from the man, and have been touched by more than a few of his tunes, but I’ll admit to missing the deeper meaning in a lot of his stuff as well. I dig the guy, and respect his talent and his legacy, but I’m not a member of the “Church of Bob” by any means.

On the other hand, maybe I’m the perfect choice? I won’t be watching the film through the eyes of an obsessed Dylan fan, but simply watching a film as a lover of cinema. My review won’t be written through the haze of rose colored glasses or biased in any way due to idol worship. It’ll just be a review of a movie based on a guy I know a little about, but have heard a whole lot about. But enough about me and my lack of Dylan knowledge, let’s get to the review.

If you’re looking for a deeper insight into Bob Dylan the man, or a by-the-book biography, you’re not going to find it in Todd Haynes’ I’m Not There. Rather than tell a straightforward tale that starts at Point A and takes the logical route to Point B, C and so on, Haynes tells a very non-linear tale, jumping around through different eras, shooting in different film stocks and casting six different actors in the lead role. In fact, none of the characters in the film are even called Bob Dylan. I’m Not There is a movie that is every bit as mysterious as Dylan’s lyrics and as enigmatic as the man himself.

We’re not really getting the story of Bob Dylan’s life here, we’re getting a bunch of animated snapshots of his career and public persona. It’s a very surreal experience, full of metaphor and symbolism. It’s a lot like a Dylan song brought to life, and like many Dylan songs, I won’t pretend that I understood the deeper meaning behind all of it. Like Dylan’s singing voice, the film’s voice can be a bit on the abrasive side at times, but like most of Dylan’s music, I can’t help but see the talent behind the whole thing, and on occasion, be quite moved by it.

Casting six actors as different aspects of Dylan’s personality is a risky gambit. It could fall very easily into the realm of the pretentious and annoying art film. Luckily for the viewer, it does not. Well, not very often, at any rate, and even when it does, the performances are so captivating, you can’t help but enjoy it anyway. A lot has already been said about Cate Blanchett’s performance as Dylan at the height of his fame, so I won’t go into too much further detail. I’ll simply tell you that she is awesome. If you’ve ever watched an old interview with the man, you’ll see that she’s got his mannerisms and voice down to a science. It’s actually a pretty freaky thing to watch.

I’m Not There is not a film for everybody though. As I’ve already said, the story is not told with any type of structure. This is not a biopic along the lines of La Bamba, Ray or Walk The Line. It’s actually a bit slow moving and even mildly boring at times. It is, however, a film that is every bit as creative as the man whom it is about. If you’re a hardcore Dylan fan, I’m guessing this film is one you won’t want to miss. If you’re not, it’s an interesting look at a legend and his body of work, and it’s worth checking out anyway.

The two-disc collector’s edition features on-screen song lyrics, commentary and an introduction by director/co-writer Todd Haynes. The second disc has got all the outtakes, deleted scenes, auditions and interviews with cast and crew that you could possibly ask for, plus a “Dylanography” with filmography, discography, bibliography, chronology and probably a few other “ologys” that weren’t mentioned on the box.

Juno - DVD Review (single disc release)

It seemed to be everyone’s favorite movie of 2007, and since I didn’t get the opportunity to see Juno in the theaters, I was excited to be able to write the review for its DVD release. Would it live up to the high praise that everyone, from fans to critics, had given it? Or would it inevitably fall short, as so many über-hyped movies do?

For those who have been living under a rock for the past five months, here’s the nutshell version of the plot: Juno is a sixteen-year-old girl who discovers she is pregnant. The father of the child is her longtime friend Paulie Bleeker. Paulie and Juno are probably in love, but Juno doesn’t realize it yet. Deciding against an abortion, Juno finds a nice couple in the classified section of the newspaper and decides to give the child up for adoption. Comedy, drama, witty dialogue and strategically placed pop songs ensue.

So for those who haven’t seen it: does Juno live up to the hype, the awards and the nominations? In a word, yes. In two words, “yes, but…” Before I started writing this, I looked on Rotten Tomatoes and saw that the film had a 93% positive rating. I’m going to go ahead and agree with that. This movie was 93% awesome. I’ll get to the other 7% later.

The script, by first time screenwriter Diablo Cody (is one still allowed to use their stripper name when one is no longer a stripper?), is funny, heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time. It goes in places I never expected, all the way up to the very end. What could have been a very predictable, by-the-numbers plot ends up being surprisingly fresh and original. That Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay was well deserved.

I know there were some complaints about the language in the movie. Basically, the kids speak in their own sort of slang that was confusing to some, and downright incomprehensible to others. Personally, I think it was pretty cool and gave the film a unique voice all its own. I know quite a few teenagers, and while I’ve never heard them speak in a fashion even remotely similar to the way the kids speak in this movie, I know what it’s like to have a sort of “inside language” that you use among your friends. It worked. More importantly, it never felt forced or unnatural. I suppose a lot of the credit for this has to go to the cast.

Speaking of the cast: they’re awesome. There’s really not a bad actor in the bunch. Extra kudos have to go to Jason Bateman, who brings an unexpected balance to a character that could’ve been played in a very one-dimensional fashion, and to Jennifer Garner, who’s never really impressed me that much before, but is very lovable in this role. Michael Cera is, as usual, fantastic, though I’m starting to get a little tired of him playing almost the same character in every single role he takes. I can’t complain about a good performance though, so I won’t. I look forward to every Michael Cera performance, and this one does not disappoint.

Which brings us to Ellen Page in the title role as Juno. Page plays Juno as though she was a 38-year-old woman trapped in a 16-year-old’s body. Having seen Ellen Page interviewed, I’m convinced that she probably is a 30-year-old woman trapped in a 16-year-old’s body. Here’s the thing about Juno: She’s caustic and witty. She’s ten times more sassy than any character in anything Joss Whedon could ever hope to write. (If you’ve ever watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Firefly, you know what I’m talking about.) While Page’s performance is quite natural, her character toes a fine line between humorously charming and incredibly annoying. By the end of the film, that line has been crossed on more than one occasion, and that’s exactly the 7% I was talking about earlier. Hey, I love a sarcastic know-it-all as much as the next guy, but even I have my limits. It’s just a bit too much. 7% too much, to be exact. Witty comebacks are great, but Juno’s comebacks are far too calculated and run the risk of making her character unlikable. Does it ruin the movie? No, it absolutely does not. Does it distract and make the viewer roll his eyes? In the case of this reviewer, yes, quite a bit.

Aside from my one gripe, I have to concur that Juno does, in fact, live up to the heaps of praise that have been laid upon it. It’s a comedy that ends up being more than a little bit sad, and it’s a drama that’ll make you laugh out loud. Well-rounded characters, great performances and an original plot add up to a great flick that will find a welcome home on your rental queue or perhaps even your DVD shelf.

The DVD has a few extra features which basically amount to a bunch of mini-documentaries about the making of the film, including interviews with the cast, director and writer about the process of bringing the film to the screen. These extras are also well worth your time, and add a welcome insight for those who are seeking further knowledge about the creators and the film.

WWE: The Music Volume 8 - Review

It’s probably safe to say that very few people are buying WWE theme song albums because of their originality or artistic merit. Most folks who purchase these albums are probably either die hard wrestling fans or stone deaf. Since I own a few of them and I passed my most recent hearing test, I’m going to put myself in the former category.

For years now, Jim Johnston has been the musical mastermind behind the WWE wrestlers theme songs, crafting tunes with driving, repetitive beats that might be well suited for action movies or workout tapes. With this effort he delivers yet another album full of derivative theme songs. “WWE: The Music Volume 8” offers a smorgasbord of unoriginal tunes: songs that sound like bad bar band versions of AC/DC songs, Jimi Hendrix songs, and a variety of pop music clichés.

This is not to say that pro wrestlers’ theme songs should be totally original works of art. Theme music is primarily used to get a crowd reaction. It’s an easy way to get a characters persona across to a large audience who might be sitting in the nosebleed seats. It’s a way to show folks watching at home who the wrestler is and what he represents. “Hey, this guy’s music sounds a lot like AC/DC. He must be a badass!” To say that a wrestler’s theme music sounds derivative isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, sometimes it’s quite necessary. Theme music should not, however, be bland and uninteresting.

In a business that thrives on getting a pop from a live crowd, introducing a character with boring music is akin to committing a form of career suicide. I’m going to assume that most of you who are reading this review are fans of professional wrestling, so I’m going to throw a few names at you: “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. The Rock. Hulk Hogan. Triple H. Ultimate Warrior. Ted DiBiase. The Road Warriors. What do these men all have in common? When you heard their theme music, you knew that business was about to pick up. You knew that the fit was about to hit the shan, in a manner of speaking. Their music was synonymous with their character. It put goosebumps on your skin and made your hair stand on end because when that music hit, you knew that the hard-earned money you plunked down for those tickets or for that Pay-Per-View show was going to be worth it. The theme songs on “WWE: The Music Volume 8” will put you to sleep, if you’re lucky.

Typically in a music review, I might focus on several songs that caught my attention. I might tell you about a track that was particularly good, or one that was abysmally bad. Unfortunately, I can not do that with this album, because it all ran together similar to the way that whatever foods you have eaten throughout the day might join together to form excrement at the end of the day (or the beginning or middle, or perhaps several times over, depending on how regular you are). But you’ve continued to read this far, so I guess I owe it to you to give it a shot.

I suppose I’d be lying if I said there weren’t a couple of standout tracks on the album. “Sliced Bread”, performed by WWE Diva Jillian, is a terribly sung rip-off of a Brittney Spears-style piece of pop trash, but since it’s supposed to be a terribly sung rip-off of a Brittney Spears-style piece of pop trash, I guess I would consider it to be good (I have a hard time bringing myself to use that word in association with this album). Considering his recent suspension for violating the WWE’s Health & Wellness Plan, the lines “… so you see the writing on the wall” and “You’re the architect of your own defeat” in Jeff Hardy’s theme song seem somehow prophetic and a bit ironic.

In a sense, the album does what theme music should do: there’s a boring hair metal song for the guys with long hair, a power ballad of sorts for the guys who’re supposed to be known for having a lot of heart, and a faux reggae song for the guy from Jamaica. In that sense, they do represent the wrestlers’ personas, but if I listened to this album without being familiar with the WWE’s current product, I would assume their matches consisted of little more than a series of wristlocks and rest holds, with no fun, and no fast-paced, high flying action. I would assume that the show was outdated and couldn’t hold my interest for more than 30 seconds. Long story short, I wouldn’t be interested in the least.